The Diary of a mad Teenager

Last Post...

2008-05-08T00:24:00.000-07:00

Frankie's bday was on 23rd of April, and you guessed it, she turned 20! So she is no longer a teenager. She has decided to go away, but don't worry, perhaps you might see her someday.

She sent this message:

Sing me no songs,
cry me no tears,
but remember me kindly.

To all the people who were made her days, kina modo, Xs, Acolyte and all the rest on her blogroll, thanks.

Perhaps you might find her here. Perhaps not.

Tough Questions: I need Answers!!

2008-04-13T05:01:00.000-07:00

I am back from my long long holiday. I have had time to think and contemplate how my first year in campus went, and am just waiting to go back and start my second year.

okay, here goes, just how do relationships work? I mean, like how long do you date someone before you finally start making out? Is it the first opportunity you get alone? Or don't you think you should know second names first? Besides, what if you don't want to have sex (ok, u do but yuou know u shouldn't or u know u should at least wait) but u still wanna make out? for how long will you make out without actually having sex? a year? 4 years? it's just crazy.

besides, am sure every girl (or guy) wants the first time to be special, not in some dingy room in the college hostel where u are afraid of screaming out incase walls have ears? they actually do..some chick sleeps with some guy and the following day the whole campus knows.

or perhaps he takes u to the privacy of his room at home coz his paroz are out of town, but shish..it is his parents house and if they come back before time, u hide in the closet? that just ain't right...

or some hotel room. except at this stage...most guys are just not that moneyed, so u will probably end up in some dingy lodging, making the sex just cheap...and somehow dirty like u a hooker or something...

what about the endless warnings that ur mum never fails to give whenever she calls? they always pop into your head. never mind the bible teachings about waiting for marriage, don't u feel like a pretender, hypocrite when u are sleeping around yet u still go to church? doesn't God condemn sex before marriage?

ok, so u meet a guy u like, u have some sort of date..not those stuff of eating at a fancy restaurant with rules n expensive meals (that could pay my accomodation for the whole semester), but more like oily fries and drumsticks from kenchic, and maybe a movie....or most likely inter-campus visits, he comes over, u go to his place...how long do u wait before sleeping with a guy? and don't say on the third date...i mean, he should be hunter, right? am sure they wont appreciate prey that just gives in...so anyway, what's to stop him from leaving once he's slept with u? wasn't that his goal from the beginning?

am so f***ing confused. besides, am i supposed to wait till i marry before..u know... what if i get married at 28?

of course, am so afraid of getting paged, stds (they are so many, some with no symptoms in guys but in chicks and vice versa..some are untreatable) or who can forget HIV? then there are the contraceptives. condoms just seem cheap, they burst (am told their success rate is 99%, but what if am the 0ne percent? someone had to account for it, right?), and i don't think i can be popping a pill everyday...it just seems so much work n worry for so little pleasure..('course don't know how much pleasure coz u know am yet to try it..)

isn't it much easier to just abstain? except abstaining is not that easy either.

P.S.
as u answer, do u mind sharing ur first experiences in not so many words? or when u think the right time. do u wish u had waited? a different time? a different person? answer honestly and help a sister out....

Still on Holiday

2008-04-01T05:42:00.000-07:00

Hey, am posting a postcard of me on holiday!

Enjoy!

Am Back

2008-02-29T05:26:00.000-08:00

i do not have time to write a longer post, but i shall say a few words. i do not like politics, but i hated the violence that rocked the country following the stealing of votes by Kibaki. i breathed a sigh of relief yesterday when they signed the peace deal. i do no think that another politician will dare do that again. we're beyond petty undemocratic politics though corruption still continues to haunt us.

on a happier note, am in the land of sand n sun; i have a 3 month holiday am determined to enjoy it to the maximum. so allow me to swim in warm azure oceans and will post another one soon when time and access to internet allow.

p.s. Xs, u still in kenya? email me, sawa?

My Xmas shoutouts

2007-12-22T02:08:00.000-08:00

Exams came and went, I stayed a few days longer in campo waiting for my friends so we could have an end of the year bash, which was great fun despite the many gate crashers.. or should i say bash-crashers?

Anyway, so am headed to shaggz for xmas, where i shall drink lots and lots of.... tea, and mandazi! For all drinkers, don't overdo vodowski and other refined brews, spare a thought for the local brew too.... It doesn't matter whether Jesus was born on 25th or not, he was born, period, and it is a good reason to celebrate....

So, see you next year, and though i steer away from politics, vote wisely ( I got my ID too late to register... so I guess my view don't count for much)

end of the year

2007-12-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

Now that is has come to the end of the year, it is double celebration for me. I am finishing the year as well as my first year in campus. I have made many friends as well as enemies (am not too sure about this….)

I want to dedicate this post to all my friends out here…

Cracker
Can u believe I went to high school with her but we never spoke more than a paragraph. She was in the group of good girls, and I was apparently a bad girl.. and to imagine we used to sleep in adjacent rooms. So when I was reporting this year, and saw her that first day, we said hi like a couple of strangers, only to realize we had been put in the same room… and thus began a friendship with her … and some other people she looks like she is high all the time so they nicknamed her Cracker..

Dan
Now her, we may almost have started out on the wrong foot (we-cracker and I- thought she had ATT (attitude)), turns out well, that we rely on first impressions but now.. she is the party girl of the group.. we have fikad many campo bashes together.. since cracker prefers her sleep.. watched people do stuff while drunk (we don’t drink..) had fun and finally go to sleep in the early hours of the morning when the campo geeks are waking up to read…..

Miss dump me (Sarah)
Actually, she transferred to another campo but she was the fourth roommate, and we still keep in touch… and well u should hear her say the name Sarah…

Sarah
Now this guy impressed cracker the first time she met him in class. She just came rushing into the room and blurted out “ Heeey, there is this guy I met in class today, he is so eloquent.. blah blah blah… so blah blah blah” Turns out she was right. What can I say… I have no words. Okay, how about: I will cross the oceans for you, I will light your way for all time, etc etc, get the drift?

Pat
If there is a word for him, it is sweet. I mean, I have never seen him mad (he’s been mad at Cracker before..) but me, or anyone else for that matter.. nope. Oh, he is generous too..

Floppy
Wassup nigga! Says it all
Okay, let me say a little about this nigga: he has a full face (as Cracker says it he..he..) and has an Afro, he is easy going and just easy going, yeah.

Ted
Sarah’s good brother…. Almost the exact opposite of Sarah..

There are many more friends I have made.. it is just that I can’t list them all, including friends of my friends, who also become my friends by default. Then there are my classmates, some of whom I’ll be glad I wont be seeing for the next 4 months, others I will genuinely miss.
Then there are the bloggers.. but I shall be in touch, hopefully, there is internet where am headed for holiday. I would like to mention one blogger who influenced me to start wrting, goes by the name Nesta, though he got lazy and updates his blog once in two blue moons….

Goodbye for now, for I do not know how long it will take me before the next post. I start exams this Thursday (6th December), so wish me success.

The Magic is Gone

2007-11-29T04:29:00.000-08:00

The cold morning breeze
Brings a promise of better things
And although I may freeze
Like a bird on its wings
I take a walk through the forest
The sun’s rays are just breaking through
And their myriad patterns
Are like a lover’s dance
The dew glistens on the leaves
The dancing shafts of light from the sun’s rays
Create a beautiful kaleidoscope of colour
I pick up a leaf
And hold it to the sun
Suddenly the dawn breaks
The dew evaporates
And the magic is lost

WAITING...

2007-11-22T02:51:00.000-08:00

I sing of the beaty of the wonderland
Of roaring rivers cascading down the land
I sing of the joy in the heart
When one finds her Romeo or his Juliet

Suddenly the shimmering rays of the sun are friendlier
The enchanting moon brighter
The whipping winds; more embracing
As one gets sheltered in arm loving

I dream of the one day I will be complete
The mishaps of the past becoming obsole
And surrendering my heart totally
To the stranger who will be my lifelong ally

And suddenly a cold hand caresses my face
Am startled from my deep slumber
He's here, I can feel it
My eyes open and register the silhoutte in the moonlight

I reach out with every fibre of my being...
And just as suddenly the figure melts into the night
Am left with the feint whistle in the wind...
But I know he will be back

The stranger with the cold caress
The silhoutte that left me yearning
I know he will be back
But until then, I'll be waiting.....

Barrage Against Radio Stations

2007-11-08T21:59:00.000-08:00

I know it has been said before, but I will say it again. FM radio stations are irritating, and I need to vent off my irritation, and where else but my blog? Bear with me.

Here is the Order of the Most Irritating Awards

1. Easy Fm

When Nation Fm was re-launched as easy, that was the end of it. I mean, who would want to listen to a station called easy? Then they have like 10 songs on the CD that will be played over and over again throughout the day, and when you hear the song…”Come back to me shorty” by Tyrese for the 10^th time in an hour u feel like going (aaauuuuuiiii!!!). And then there is this thing they keep on replaying, ati the thoughts of people about easy, like we don’t know that they just pay people to say:

“I love easy..especially the blues.. ohh they are soo soothing..” Soothing here is said as “soodhing”
etc etc

It’s like nails on a chalkboard…. I get so irritated I could burst… so I just switch stations

And don’t even get me started on the presenters. Talia is sooo fake, I mean, yes she has been across the Atlantic, but just coz u have landed in some airports that are not in Africa don’t mean that u can now speak with a fake twang…gimme a break.

Then there is Ciku, of the busting cheating spouses fame, how can people fall for the same lie everyday? People are so easy to fool.. come on people, think twice before you jump to give names of spouses or girlfriends ati coz u have won a holiday or clothes in a competition u never entered. Kenyans and love for free things… tsk…tsk

Then there is Gladys who, does she, by any chance, try to sound husky like? Urgh, I can’t listen to her for more than a minute.. and Sheila, well, she is superficial…the Di on the late night show.. sample this:

“ Hiiii this is the DI. I have an sms from Mercy in Kinangop who would like to dedicate the song Goodbye my lover by James Blunt to her boyfriend in Othaya….”

Okay, who dedicates Goodbye my lover to their current lover?.. hmmm.. now that is the DI’s audience. At least let me give it up to Munene Nyaga, I could listen to him were it not for the repetitiveness of the songs.

2. Kiss

Okay, this is so notorious no one listens to it anymore. The clown pair of Caro and Nyamabane tries, they’ve been around for long. But just coz they were a success, now there is Shaffie and Kaleche, who have to argue even over trivial things, and have to take sides even if it is a discussion that really makes no sense having argue people against it.

Checki this story they were arguing about..

“ there is this kid who sleeps in the paroz bed. One day, the dad comes back tired and has no time to change so he sleeps naked. In the middle of the night, the kid gets hungry and is looking for something to suckle, and then coz the kid suckles anything suckly, it ends up giving the dad a BJ….”disgusting.

Don’t get me started on Debbie, or Sanaa or Angela Angwenyi…they are all kinda fake…admit it.

3. Classic 105

This only exists because of Maina Kageni, who only discusses matters of pare pare (Xs, u should hook up with him.) Nowadays, people are willing to air their dirty linen as well their dirty minds in public….and this keeps this station going…

Of course I love the music, Kina Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston, Stevie Wonder, Michael Bolton, Michael Jackson…etc etc, the songs still rock…lakini there are just too many adverts and a half of them have to do with the Nairobi Star

4. The Rest

Capital-don’t listen to it…Hot 96-who does listen to it? KBC English- I only listen to the late night show (am a crunk gal day time, and a blues person at nite), despite the irritating Jackie Manyaga trying to sound ‘soodhing’..I vumilia and listen to Boyz II men and other blues they play…

In short (this post has been long), I am also beginning to invest in a huge collection of my favourite music..I will have no use to listen to these radio stations….(except BBC for news, at least it does not try to be something it is not.. it is still same old boring bbc, as well as KBC Kiswahili for a boring, comprehensive coverage of local news…).

hip hip hooray!

2007-10-25T23:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah baby, exam results are out. I don't like to floss but I guess am just sharing the good news with the world.. last semester was basically introduction to everything...including units like HIV/AIDS. And I had a whole 9 units.

I have 8As and one ugly B in what I considered to be the easiest paper....
anyway, back to books, gotta pass again this sem..

The sem so far

2007-10-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

I promised to keep regular updates (boyfulani, patience). So far, so good. I have so many borrowed library books in my room am slowly becoming the class geek. Assignments and reports are done in time, so guys end up copying from me, but u know what hurts the most? Sometimes they end up getting more than me! Life can be so unfair.

Moving on; my social life isn't in such a good shape, not that I can describe what a good shape is, but u get the point. So this one Sunday mid-morning, am in campo and lyk soo booored so I take a mat to nearby uni to swim. (Can u believe am in a whole university without a swimming? Tuko down yaani) . ( And yes, Xs, I can swim, just coz u can't float don't mean no one else can't) So after swimo I meet this guy. Just casual vybe. He tells me his name is..um...(let's just say Z).

So Z starts texting. But the thing is, I just don't feel him. I mean, he is too nice, sometimes we kosa vybe (we've not reached a point where silence is comfortable). The only redeeming quality is that he is a Fine Art student (believe me it is a redeeming quality, artists are supposed to be excting, eccentric and passionate..ok, been watching too many movies). Oh, plus, I want my portrait drawn...and he is also 6"1. Guess my height? (5 feet zero!).

Anyhoo(I have watched up to Seasin five of Scrubs, so Modo, I did not copy this from you my peeper...), so he came over to visit this weekend. we had sort of a nice time but there lacks that excitement, that spark that should exist at least at the beginning of something. Am not really talking about giddiness, heart racing, sweaty palsm, weak knees (influence from Mills and Boon), but at least there should be some kind of anticipation that is just not there in this case.

The next meeting will be to tell him that it just can't work (he's already asked me out..am not filling in for myself). I have decided to wait for Mr. Near Right (or at least someone 'exciting) before jumping into a relationship. He is just not my type (I wonder where Mr. frankie type will comre from). But being single has its benefits, I guess. All u care about is urself.

I wonder when I will ever fall in love for the first time.....(sigh)

AN EMBARRASING MOMENT

2007-10-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

My most embarrassing moment happened when I was in form one, and am still embarrassed about it…so am not likely to put it down any time soon. However, I do have others, though not so major. Here is one of them:

It’s one of those boring afternoon lectures. The unit: MFS- Mathematics for Sciences. It’s one lecture that I always doze. I enter the class and scan the room. We are a small class, about 35. today, am not feeling nerdy, so I decide I will not sit at my usual place near the front and by some luck I see an empty seat near him.

Let’s for this time call him Wilberforce. (It’s the shadiest name I can think of, to disguise his identity for security purposes. No offense if u are reading this and u are Wilberforce.). oh, he is by no means shady, and I..um..kinda like him (ok, forget kinda, really like him). So I gingerly make my way over and sit at the locker next to him.

From this position, I can hardly read the board and will have to peek at Willie’s book.. not a bad prospect. Must I add that he writes quite neatly. On the other side of him is another guy who looks quite serious but acts conversely. Let’s call him.. K (just a random letter). So K asks for my fone and I pass it to him. Am not from the city by the lakeside otherwise I would have said that my fone has radio and internet among many other features.

People are settling down since the lesson is about to start. I ask K for my fone. He holds it out and when I reach for it, he snatches it back. Guy is behaving juvenile. He finally hands it to Willie. Am getting irritated. He begins the same hold and snatch game so I tell him:

“Gimme back my fone or…” I threaten with some serious expression on my face.

“Or what?” He drawls out

“Or I’ll rough you up…..” I retort. At this point, some people have turned their attention towards us and are listening keenly.

“With pleasure.” He answers, implication in his tone.

The lecturer enters at this point and thankfully, attention shifts back to him. He is one of those ‘oh-so-concerned-lecturers’ so he looks around, says good afternoon jovially and I prepare for another dozing session. He looks at my usual place and notices my absence. Am I a celeb or what? (actually, am a celeb in class. My absence is always noticed. Could be something to do with the fact that I always answer questions in class. Maybe to impress or to share knowledge, but I suspect the former.)

“Where is our class rep?” ( Oh, did I forget to mention am THE class representative? My bad.)

Everyone now turns to look at me. Forever nosy, he asks:

“And why are u seated there today?”

It’s like everyone knows the real reason why. It’s quiet and I have no answer. So K is heard when he LOUDLY whispers:

“ Weeeweee, Willie………”

And the whole room erupts into laughter amid a knowing smile on the lecturer’s face. No doubt he thinks it’s one of those boy-girl situations.

This is the point where I wish the ground would open up and swallow me or I could turn back time..or…if I possessed some magic power I’d wipe people’s memories. If I was white, I’d be redder than a cherry..(rem modo’s story about Marto and his aunt?) My cheeks were practically radiating heat.

I spent the rest of the lecture staying strong, but I can assure you that I have never sat anywhere else deliberately. I still stick to the front.

A Mathematical Romance Story

2007-09-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

This is what Mathematicians would write if they wrote romance novels
Polynomials

Once upon a time (1/t), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix.

Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient, and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Suddenly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of direction, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point she tripped over a square root that was protruding from the erf, and she plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more, she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space.

She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As he numerically analyzed her, his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, and a singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once.

Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly approaching her with his power series expanding. She could see by his degenerate conic that he was up to no good.

"What a symmetric little polynomial you are," he said. "I can see that your angles have lots of secs."

"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on."

"Calm yourself, my dear", said our suave operator. "Your fears are purely imaginary."

"I, i," she thought. "Perhaps he's homogeneous."

"What order are you?" the brute demanded.

"Seventeen," replied Polly.

"I suppose you've never been operated on?"

"Of course not," Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent."

"Come, come," said Curly. "Let's go off to a decimal place, and I'll take you to the limit!"

"Never!" gasped Polly.

"Abscissa!" he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the head with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly's radius squared itself. Polly's loci quivered. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactored, he performed Runge-Kutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a contour integration. Curly went on operating until he satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and became completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that night her mother noticed that she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated in several places. As the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically. Finally she went to l'Hospital and generated a small but pathological function which left little surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation.

The moral of the story is, "If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom."

THE SENSEI, MARY AND I

2007-09-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

This is bound to be interesting…. I joined karate mainly coz of watching Alias and other programs and movies where the chicks can kick butt.. I know it’s the movies but well, I never fought anyone and am not planning to.. neither do I want to become a CIA agent or CID… I just think it is cool to know karate ..forget the self defense storo

Overtime, I influenced my roommates Di and Mary to join karate.. the fourth, she is kichwa ngumu.. rather she fears she will get hurt, so we used to go, and the black belt teacher (sensei) used to come like twice a week. He made a point to know all the chicks by name, coz the rate of dropping out of chicks is high, even academic wise…

The first days, Mary became the fave student.. when we are told to pick partners to praco moves, no matter whom she is with, the sensei will pair the other person with someone else, and take Mary… that sort of thing.. we did not think much about it.. having a favourite student is nothing wrong..

One day, as a matter of casual talk, he complimented her dimples, asked to be invited to supper, and joked around about her being beautiful, no big deal.. but was he getting suggestive? We just had to wait. Unfortunately, we did not see what would have happened next coz she transferred to another university nearby, so were we left like 3 serious chicks in karate.. and predictably, I was next..

It all started with a phone call, telling me to encourage other chicks.. coz I seemed to be the most dedicated one. The next call was more or less the same, but after that, I got an SMS, and funny content fone calls, which I kinda ignored.. the last sms, I can quote it:

“ Dear, asleep? Da truth is u ve bcme my favorite deshi/monte, mak me proud, sawa? U’ve evrthing all u nid is 2 compose urself. I know u will mak it. Sleep tite.”

Now tell me what u make of that? Besides the guy is probably in his early 30s, and he is MARRIED with one CHILD… of course I haven’t added all the suggestive conversations.. but he is creeping me out, and u know what? I’ve lost some of the respect I had for him as a black belt..

RESOLUTIONS THIS SEMESTER

2007-09-14T01:22:00.000-07:00

The new semester has begun, and with it, new resolutions which will not be followed, but that is beside the point. They have to be made if only to assure yourself that you are focused…

So, I shall enumerate them as below:

Read, read and read more (how this will be implemented is simple: go the library and doze there instead of dozing in the room, and two, borrow big books from the library…doesn’t matter the content, as long as they are big and the word computer appears on its cover..)
I shall not sleep with anyone…(and by sleep I guess u all know what I mean)..when am reporting, my mum usually says: “Take care of yourself” meaning “DON’T GET PREGNANT!”
I shall lay low this sem, meaning I shall not seek attention, even from a guy I like. I will wait for them to come to me..(if they will ever..)
Dieting: I shall make no false attempt to restrain my appetite….this one is a good one.. it’s easy to follow, all I have to do is give in to the urge to eat whenever I feel like.. let me quote DNA: life ni fupi na mi sijifungi
Friday nights are party nights and should stay so, therefore I shall make sure I have watched at least one movie every Friday night, gone dancing (there are some free salsa classes around….), and sleep after 2 am…then go to church on Sato and actively participate and doze the times am not participating.

HOW I SPENY MY HOLIDAY

2007-09-10T02:09:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I wrote, mostly because am lazy and we were having exams and also because it would cost money coz I had to go to a cyber. The labs were locked during exam time. This sounds like a composition on how u spent ur holiday, remember?

When I used to do French in form 1 and 2, I used to cram those compositions and get 9/10. anyway, am making it sound like I had a long holiday, but actually, it was a weekend long inter-semester break but like any sane student, I extended it by a week.

After finishing exams on Thursday, I hung around and left on Friday to begin my holiday.

Friday 31^st August

Took a pimped up mat to tao with friends, went to my aunt’s office to greet her (more like to get fare….), ate fries and went home where I basically did nothing but eat and watch TV the rest of the day and most of the night.

Saturday 1^st September

Am an SDA but being back from school so soon, I took a holiday from church and slept in…my bros who were yet to open school are not very encouraging church goers either..so the day was mostly spent in the hao…sleeping, eating and movies...isn’t that what a holiday is all about?

Sunday 2^nd September

I helped do the laundry, never mind that most of it happened to be mine. Basically, I should just skip this day, nothing happened.

Monday 3^rd September

Am supposed to report, so with the fees paid, I went to campo, reported and then came back to begin my holiday.

Tuesday 4^th September and Wednesday 5^th September

Basically, when am at home, clubbing is a no no, and I don’t like zururaing in the esto so I just stick and watch movies. I borrow them from a friend of mine who I usually ignore throughout the semester and call her when the semester is almost ending.. they have a video library..

Thursday 6^th September

My mum is graduating kesho from UoN, so like we are expecting relas from upcountry.. They begin arriving around lunch time.. My bros went to school, we have no house help, so I basically cooked and washed dishes till around midnight…food was in plenty, and though at the back of my mind were resolutions for dieting…( am a chick, what do u expect?), I decided to postpone them till after the weekend.

Friday 7^th September

With aunts, uncles, grandparents, and anyone who is a relative and could make it, we went to the graduation square. I was dressed to kill ( Skirt suit..this is a first for me…hair was natural and tied back (blow dry ilikuwa imeisha)..) I was looking so SDA…and so in with the crowd I came with.. si u jua how graduations are?

You all have attended one graduation or another.. so I will spare the details…so after the photo session..(everyone wanted to be photographed with the graduand, with the gown on.., by themselves..), three films were not enough. We went home to more celebrations.. food, nyam chom and drinks ( I shall not specify what kind but everyone’s taste was catered for..)

Saturday 8^th September

Went for ICT conference at Strath to get a cert (that is the truth) so I dozed through most of the speeches but at least I asked a question

Sunday 9^th September

My holiday came to and end as I traveled back to campo in the evening.

p.s.

To all readers: Pretend u are a teacher and grade my report (A, B, C, D or E)

Speaking of grades, am waiting for results of last sem’s exams to be put up, I’ll probably post them if they are good otherwise.. your guess is my guess

p.s.2

And as u can see, there was no crazy fun at home, just good fun, u want crazy fun, have it in campo.

Kenyan Blonde

2007-08-28T01:13:00.000-07:00

Been busy with exams lately and havent had time to blog. besides the comps lab is closed so like i have to use money in the cyber to write this.

there is this chick who was wearing a skirt and she wanted to climb a tree. unfortunately there was a guy there. so duh, she told him:

" we unafikiria mi ni mjnga, mi nakujua, unataka kuchungulia panty yangu..." those one of duh, i know these things

so she took off her panty and climbed the tree.

JUST BEEN TAGGED

2007-08-13T06:32:00.000-07:00

8 THINGS ABOUT ME
after finally being tagged…(after much begging, I tell ya), here I am finally with 8 random things about me:

1. I read novels like I live on them. Dem high skul days, I read like 40 novels a term, from thin Mills n Boon to 800 plus pages of Stephen King…I read everything and anything that is interesting…

2. I love eating, sleeping and eating, which reminds me.. I am slowly but surely edging out of the bracket of small people.. and I have started making resolutions ( 1. no more Amo for lunch.. Amos is the name of the guy who owns the Kenchic of Gashororo, the campus village..2. wake up to bath when the alarm goes off, I usually just wake up long enough to switch it off.)

3. I am still a virgin and never had a serious boyfriend ( am beginning to wonder if am normal.. the things my friends haven’t done!)

4. On my 20th birthday, I will move places to Wordpress, so watch this space ( is that what am supposed to say?)

5. I talk too much and am in love with Usher Raymond… Lil Wayne, Lil Jon and Vin Disel. Plus I don’t think Brad Pitt is hot.

6. I do write, though in form two it was mostly love stuff, influence of Mills and Boon, but I have two published articles in the Sunday Nation.

7. I love Harry Potter series…(hint hint.. someone get me a ticket to watch Harry Potter and Order of the Phoenix, though I haven’t read the last 3..The Half Blood Prince or the last one, the Deathly Hallows)

8. I got my first kiss when I was 18 and some months old.. and since then (October last year), I have kissed 3 more guys…( am a what now? Say it loud…)

9. (Just could not resist adding...) I am a karataker...and am ranking on Sep 15th for an orange belt...I have to shika those Japanese terms.

THE AFTERMATH

2007-08-13T04:07:00.000-07:00

Recently, we just had our graduation. Wait a minute, it wasn’t me graduating ( I haven’t even been here a semester!). okay, the previous students were graduating. It was a booring, booring day, I just woke up, hurrayed! that I did not have lessons, and went back to sleep until the sun came up. Then I washed some other huge pile of laundry, went to the salon to escape the mass of humanity that was in the campus grounds ( si u know the likes, a bus carrying a whole village comes to watch the first graduate in the village, ululations…lots and lots of relatives, some who appear only during functions such as graduations, funerals, weddings etc. in short, any functions that has food in its program.)

Back to me, I have just done the Calculus CAT, it wasn’t as hard as I thought, perhaps because I had over read for it. Anyway, I await the results with bated breath. Exams are coming up..and I have to read otherwise I might end up at the bottom of the class, and that is not good for my reputation.

It seems I have read so much mpaka this stuff is getting into my blood. This is kinda dangerous since am also doing a HIV/AIDS unit, I might just end up with HIV in my blood..he..he , so since everything I see, I think about it in terms of wave functions, wavelengths, etc, here is calculus in real life:

Girl/chick/woman (whichever term you prefer, whatever excites the atoms of your blood)
Let me use girl:

Girl= time x money
But time =money therefore
Girl=money x money= money2
From this, we can evaluate the limits as money tends to zero of girl
Lim (money---0) girl= 2(0)=0. (read as the limits of girl as money tends to zero)
Therefore as money tends to zero, girl tends to zero (replace zero with disappear.)

EXAM FEVER
It’s like a week to exams, and is it just me ama it is getting colder? I mean, it is like August and it is still cold, this is supposed to be a blazing month, so u know, chicks can show off hot outfits…this weather inakazia wasee, but not much coz anyway, the motto is freeze n shine…
So, am trying to read, not really read, the other day I fikad Hall Sex actually, its Hall Six, it houses like 1000 plus guys, but someone says that if it were to catch fire, more chicks than guys would rush out….it is the Nakumatt of this place, for everything under the roof..from books, to printing services, to movies, to entertainment and other services…( I leave the other services unmentioned, it is up to u and ur imagination now..), I was like helping guys to do their programming assignment ( but do I say?). anyway, I found out that people read up to ungodly hours of the morning….

I think now I should get serious , head to far places to read, there is this place called Kilimanjaro, it is so near the farm…peace and quietness..tranquility should inspire me to my utmost.

Our programming teacher says Africans will never be able to invent, “you remember how Isaac Newton discovered the law of gravity? An apple fell off and he started thinking why it did not fall upwards. He must have been very idle. Otherwise if it was an African, he would have just eaten the apple, no over thinking, overstressing yourself,. ”

Then we have this other lecturer who has to skive at least one lesson a week, and he has two lessons: so he either comes for one or none, never both. It is a funny maths unit called discrete mathematics, and has little to do with numbers….

The other day, in preparation for end of the semester, I laundered all those clothes that are normally cleaned an average once or twice year: stuff like labcoats etc…so I had just over cleaned mine ( I use it during those booring titration practicals, and will use it next sem for physics….), hanged it on the lines, came back to unhang it only to find an empty space…I had been living in a blissful world…no theft, no bad stuff..now it is all happening…

My social life is virtually non-existent, and the way we come to campo expecting a blazing life…anyway, I decided to take up karate…(someone say ching chong), it is kinda interesting, am still a ka white belt but am ranking soon..to a green belt or something or orange..can’t wait to be a black belt…..kick some ass..Jackie Chan style!..I have ambition people..

So for now, off I go, to read…

THE FIRST TEST

2007-07-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

This week has been crazy, let me say that. To begin with, last weekend I touched no book, never mind that I had an array of CATs. I went over to my pal’s place at Daystar, Athi River, but it is nowhere near Athi River but rather like in the middle of nowhere.

Anyway, I skived afternoon classes on Friday, packed an overnight bag ( it’s an ordinary bag, nothing overnight about it..), took a mat to tao, surfed a little, met another friend whom we took the bus with to Daystar, which turned out to be more like a camp, yaani we could have met hyenas, etc..had we ventured into the night alone…

So yah, Sunday night, I was back to this place..wondering where to start from..kwanza I remembered I had a Bible study to attend.. I decided I could skive that one, God forgive. Never mind am the spiritual mother of the group..(am sure u are wondering, spiritual mother??? Anyway, that is a post like the head of the Bible discussion group.)Why they put me there, I will never know but perhaps it is to do with the fact that when I first came, I stood up to greet the church:
The call was like this: “Any first year who would like to say hi?” before you can say first year, I was on my feet with gusto:

“ Praise the Lord!” I admit it did sound funny coming from me, but I kept going, by the grace of the Lord, hallelujah!

I did not want to go to the next obvious statement, that of : “am saved and love the lord JC”.

So I just said hi, my name and my course. Then I sat down. It’s like I got famous since that day.

Back to this week, you should see how I do my CATs, like the devil is at my heels or something; fast. If a CAT takes one hour, 30 minutes later am relaxing and 31 min later am collecting my paper. So anyway, I have acquired this ‘choppee’ reputation.. and I have somehow proved it with a few CATs that have been returned. In other words, I have managed to keep my head above the water.

Come Wednesday, and since am the Class Representative (did I forget to mention this before? How could I? ) anyway, the papers got delivered to my room. I eagerly start scanning other people’s marks: A, 20/25, X gets 17/25… things are hotting up… T gets 3/25, waaa, a rancorous laughter follows from me, how can so and so get a 3? Then there was a 2/25 and louder laughter, then, heart beating, my paper.

And I get the shock of my life:
(drumrolls please!)

A four. 4/25 people. I couldn’t believe it. I blink to remove what could be the beginning of tears from my eyes, Oh my God, this cant be happening. But it is.

I start counting the number of people below me, never mind above me coz that is like the whole class, turns out am 5th from down. This has got to be the worst day of my academic life this semester. I tell my roommates, they don’t believe it either but one thing about me is that I don’t take some things like it is the end of the world. A few minutes later, am laughing and joking about like nothing happened, even laughing at my pitiful marks.

But deep inside is the resolution:
I WILL EAT, SLEEP, DRINK AND LIVE CALCULUS.
The next CAT, which is next week on Wednesday, am getting a 28/25, or 120% of the total. Wish me luck.

This life

2007-07-09T04:07:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what makes people tick… I mean, what makes u wake up every day, brush your teeth , bathe.. or whatever else it is that people do…. Then start another long day, probably very similar to what u had jana.. then go on and on.. and u just know that u will die someday, and then that will be the end of the end, yaani the end of everything…complex questions about life…..before u start accusing me of being solemn, I think I will just get on to lighter matters in life.. let me write about…well..me.

I tend to talk a lot, basically that is almost all I do whenever am in the room with my roommates, therefore studying there is next to impossibility. This past month, I have just been joking, and I need to gets serious( that will be the day!)

Calculus simplified

Am just from a class of calculus..why we do calculus is kinda understandable, u know, we have to know how to think if we are going to be able to write programmes…

But generally, I was half awake the whole lesson, and we were writing notes like we were in a history class were it not for the interjection of a few graphs and things that go like the function of x, etc etc denoted as f(x), doesn’t it just get interesting? Well, it is all becoming one big headache, all the psyche I had imeisha…

My life aint so interesting but I try to create drama… like I just went and got my ears pierced without telling my paroz, hata I don’t jua what they will say , I haven’t told them yet, but I can picture their reaction:

My mum, arms akimbo, expression on face like she is facing the devil’s spawn

“ ati you what? You are getting spoilt and influenced by those people in campus.

“ which boy is this who u are trying to impress?”

“ did I not warn u not to associate with bad company?”

“oh no, how will I tell ur dad?”

“ smart girls stay simple!”

feel free to add ur imagined responses, using the one I have already constructed.. the most creative gets…. Something.

My dad:

Quiet intensive stare… more staring until I squirm, then one simple question,

“why?” or “ what for?!”

am in hell, my friends, but do I care? It is drama, and drama in my life is what I want.

Siku Dorie alivyokutana na Rafiki Yake

2007-06-29T02:13:00.000-07:00

i swear i did not write this, found it in a comp somewhere.....
porn in swa? check it out. this is a first

Siku Dorie alivyokutana na Rafiki Yake

Dorie ni mwanadada Mbongo mzuri sana, miaka 22. Anasoma katika Chuo fulani cha akina dada tupu kwenye mji moja mdogo Virginia, hapa USA. Ana rafiki yake wa kiume Mbongo miaka 29 anafanya kazi mjini. Basi siku moja kaja kumtembelea bwenini. Kwa kawaida wanaume hawaruhusiwi bwenini, isipokuwa mara moja kwa mwezi. Tena ni lazima waache mlango wa chumba wazi.

Dorie anamkaribisha Stephen vizuri. Pombe ni marufuku bwenini, lakini Stephen kabeba ndogo ya Vodka. Wanaongea juu ya masomo huko wanasikiliza muziki wa nyumbani. Wamekaa kitandani kwa Dorie. Roomate wake Dorie kaenda mjini, kwa hiyo ni wenyewe tu mle chumbani. Ile pombe kali inaanza kuwalesha. Dorie anainuka kwenda kufunga mlango wa chumba halafu anarudi chumbani. Kukaa karibu na Stephen wanaanza kusikia joto ya miili yao. Wanapiga Tongue Kisi na kupapasana huko wanacheka na nyege zinawapanda.

"Oh, Dorie napenda chuchu zako zinavyonichoma kifuani."

"Stephen, MMhhh, nakupenda."

Dorie anashusha mkono wake kwenye mtuno wa Stephen. Anakuta mboo yake imesimama. "Oh Stephen, mpenzi" Unanitaka…..

Stephen anjajibu "Ndiyo mpenzi nakutaka!"

Dorie anafungua zipu na kuiachia huru mboo ya Stephen iliyovimba kwa hasira. Anaipapasa taratibu… "Oh Dorie nina hamu na wewe" Stephen anaingiza mkono wake kwenye sketi, and bila kumvua chupi, anasogeza ilesehemu iliyofunika kuma na kuanza kuchezea kisimi cha Dorie. Dorie anapanua miguu kusudi apate yote.

"Oh, Oh…." Dorie analegea kabisa,, Stephen anamvua chupi. Anapapasa mwili wa Dorie, anaamua kumvua blausi na sidiria na sketi….mwisho Dorie kabakia uchi pale kitandani…..Stephen anainama na kuchezea chuchu kwa mkono wa kulia. Anatazama kuma ya Dorie invayovutia, huko anachezea chuchu huko ananza kumnyonya Dorie kisimi.

"Uwiiiiiiii,oohhhhhhyyaaaaaaa, maaiigodi, taammmuu mpenzi unataka kuniua!

"Unaona Tamu ?" Stpehen anauliza

"Ndiyo sanaaa mmmhhh"

Kusikia malamiko yake Stephen anajua Dorie yuko tayari kutombwa. Anajua ufundi wa kutomba ni kutayarisha kuma, kabla ya kutomba. Kama vile kuwasha jiko la mkaa. Hubandiki sufuria mpaka moto umekolea. Anatesti kuma na kidole, na kuona ina ute wa kutosha. Anashusha suruali na kuingiza mboo kumani. Inaslaidi ndani bila shida.

"Aaahahhhh, Asssantee Stephen, Asante."

Stephen naye alikuwa amebanwa nyege, basi mara moja anaanza kupampu. Dorie naye anaanza kumkatia kiuno. Wote wana piga kelele za utamu, mpaka nje kwenye corridor baadhi ya wanafunzi wenzao wamekusanyika kusikiliza. Kwa vile wanaongea Kiswahili, hawaelewi wanasema nini….mpaka wanafikiria wanumizana…..Wanafunzi wanaaanza kubisha hodi mlangoni. Wapenzi walivyo katika utamu hawasikii kitu, basi wale wenzao wanagonga mlango kwa nguvu, mwisho dada moja anamua kwenda kwa Matrion aje kufugua mlango na ufungu kuchukua ufungua wa chumba.

Matron anafika mlangoni na kusikilia…"What the hell are they doing in there"!

Huko kasi ya shughuli moto wapenzi wanafikia kilele cha tendo wako peponi kabisa…

Dorie analia kwa sauti, naye…."yeeeeeeeenakuuujaaa" Stephen anaanza kuja naye anatoa sauti kali ya besi…"OH! OH! OH!" Dorie anaposikia ile joto ya shahawa kumani anaanza kuja tena… "AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"

Stephen anatazama Kuma ya Dorie na kuona kisimi bado kimetuna, " Wewe bado unanyege!"

Matron anafungua mlango, na kuwakuta ndio wanamalizia. Stephen yuko juu ya Dorie.

Wanafunzi wenzao wanabakia mlangoni kutazama kwa mshangao.

Comments za wanafunzi wenzao.

"Damn! We thought you guys were killing each other."

Yeah, You guys were just making love!’

"Wow, were you guys loud"

Is that how you do it in Africa!

Dorie na Stephen wanabakia kuona haya. Wanavuta shuka….

Matron anamfokea Dorie na kumwambia avae na aripoti ofisini. Kwa vile nyege zimemwishia Dorie anaanza kuona haya....
________________________________________

AN AVERAGE NIGHT IN CAMPUS

2007-06-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, the lessons have ended, around six if u are lucky, seven otherwise. So guess what is the first thing on an average fresher’s mind? U guessed right, food. I fish in my bag, I swear I had some coins here…. I rattle the pencil case, a jiggling sound gets back at me… voila! Triumphantly, I scoop the precious coins into my hand and proceed to the mess, mentally wondering what I will eat….

I arrive, join the queue and patiently wait for my turn at the counter, nonchalant expression on my face, but in my head am like “can’t this queue f***ing move any faster?” Here, the university has changed (those who attended uni when Moi was in power just used to kuja, u order what u want….and proceed to kula like nobody’s business…

Now, it is P.A.Y.E, pay as you eat…so am giving the cashier my pitiful coins…then with the receipt in my hand, am still in the queue when a whole class of second years comes and cuts the queue, (self-esteem issues, u know, like form twos, they have to show that they are superior than first years,-really annoying…), mpaka my hunger has dissipated and I just feel like walking out….but rem I had already paid…..by now u have guessed that am slowly cutting the meals taken at the mess…alternative means? (ati cooking for myself? Are u crazy? More on that later…)

Okay, the supper is over, back to my room, forget the resolutions of first week, ati going to the library every night……real life has began….I don’t feel like books…but then there is this ka-boy in our class…ye huanga na madoido mob….so I have to defeat this boy…so I try to study..

One my roommates is like:

“Haiya, si usome. I will remind you on a daily basis what ur resolutions are…ama u just have a crush on that boy…and u are just pretending that he irks u….”

Kina the other roomies start laughing…the thought of that boy…eew! let’s not go into details….but it’s not B, it’s X. (Just so u do not confuse with the previous post..)

So I sit down…..trying my utmost to concentrate…..but my mind keeps wondering…cant concentrate, so with the new pimped fone I got myself when I reported to campo.. I switch on the music to help me concentrate…with little success (obviously)

At 10.00 am like “Hiyo first class ikae, if I can just get out of here with a pass… I’d be happy…”

I change, enter bed and listen to music, a Mills and Boon in my hands..

So tonight there have been no significant others (boys) in our rooms, but we actually did put a limit to that……except another one who comes to invite us for Bible study…am like, so long as I stifle a yawn and cover myself…another long day ahead of me…starting seven am tomorrow….

HEART BREAK

2007-06-19T06:20:00.000-07:00

Yep, am about to write about some heartrending story of love and heartbreak, I could be a Mills and Boon writer, speaking of which, despite my resolutions, I have been reading like an average of two novels a week, and yep, am still reading Mills and Boon. Then there are times u will pata me vehemently denying watching soaps ( I really do not watch), as if the romance novels are any better!

Anyway, my heart was broken and torn into two (very poetic, huh?) by some guy in this colle, I mean uni. Well, to admit a few facts, the boy, who goes by the name B is fly..

What else? There really isn’t much more to him than that….

So like him and his friends used to drop by like daily( I guess I might have mentioned this earlier.. anyway, so like he used to pay extra extra attention to me mpaka I was just flattered and ended up falling heels over head for him. At that point in life, I believed I could have crossed the oceans for him had he asked me to. (poetically speaking, of course).

So one day, we went for a walk under the moonlight (sets the mood, alright). I was thinking that now, this was it: the soapy declaration of love that I had been hoping and praying for (okay, forget the praying part), so with my heart in pause mode, I anxiously listened.

“ I want to tell you….” Oh my God, this is it…. I thought. heart pumping furiously; clammy hands; laboured breathing.....

“that am not ready…” really? Something doesn’t quite click.

Then it dawned on me, I was being turned down after having swallowed hook, line and sinker plus the big huge trawling boat.

Anyway, sadly, no tears were shed to culminate the end… the beginning of might have been….what could have been….

I shall never be the same again.

But the novels tell me to think otherwise, I hope I shall find love one day.

P.S.

I still vibe the guy, but not as much. It is a good thing I took up karate classes (self defense and all that nonsense) but more like if another guy ever breaks my heart again, I’d kick some butt.

campo at last

2007-06-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

so fellow bloggers, here I am at last in campo and very very disillusioned. Don’t get me wrong its not ati I expected heaven or anything close. I just expected fun and some excitement but that
was not to be.

Let me anza from reporting day... I woke up early while it was still dark outside.. The excitement of being a fresher could not let me sleep... anyway, there I was.. on the way to..ahh can’t tell you, but just jua its some ka-local university located in a shady and dusty village-town.

anyway, I arrived to find s-queues at every turn..so right now I have settled, am doing computer science- computer owners beware, am going to be a hacker.. as I write am supposed to be doing my assignment...something about writing a program that outputs pascal's triangle..(okay, I know this sounds like Greek to some average bloggers, but that is basically what we are doing: greek, and mark you, there is no introduction to this greek)

the following day after arriving, we had a talk with the feminine staff. a girl's only talk ( where is maendeleo ya wanaume? isn't this rampant discrimination?!) so yeah, the talk was all the scary stuff, don't get hiv/aids, don't get pregnant, don't get stis....as in Sexually transmitted infections... the like. as for boys, well they have to sort themselves out. the highlight of the meeting: soda and cakes( did I mention eating as one of my hobbies? it is.)

soon, after the boring first days.. studies started. I was much of a joker in high skul ( I read an average 50 novels a term- including 30 mills and boon, never woke up for morning prep, and did punishments like they were a part of the curriculum). I plan to change all that.. so this time am taking care of my academic life.. at whichever cost..( I can see that cynical smile.. kafresher kanakuanga hivyo...wacha kakae tu hapo semester mbili halafu tutaona.. well, we shall see. I’ll keep you updated.)

moving away form the academic life.. to my spiritual life which is near extinct. therefore, the less said the better.

social life: weekends are extremely boring in this place. there was no 'gold rush'- si u know what am talking about? it's coz most guys were closing as we were reporting., therefore there was no one to disturb us ( by us I mean hot freshers..), not that we mind or anything( aki for real).

that is not to say we haven’t had attention.. its been there. there are some guys who have made our room the transit point usiku. and they come daily like they have an appointment. until one day, the janitor ( some other woman who can sneer), poked her face in one night and found the room overflowing with guys ( mpaka kwa balcony, I tell ya).
wearing the sneering face, she was like:

" Eee! Mbona mmejaza wanaume hivi?"

We were left dumbfounded. that is until another one came another day and was like:

" Hamjui masaa zimepita..."

as in we are not supposed to have men, ahem, rather visitors after 10 pm. this rule only applies to chicks. as for guys, wherever, whenever.. which doesn't make sense because if the chick wants some ( yeah, some..), she will simply go over to the guy's place. another day am waking up in the morning to take a shower only to find another guy having a shower there also.. stupid rules...no one ever follows them. and oh, I didn't wake up at a guy's place ( in any case it is too early..), the guy was casually taking a shower in one of the stalls as chicks moved around in various stages of undress.

I will maliza this later.. I have much to tell but gotta go for some boooring lecture.